


Happy Birthday, I Guess

by ElizaPembroke



Series: Prompts & Shorts [6]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alluded Sexfest, Birthday Fluff, Canon Compliant, Dialogue-Only, Domestic Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, M/M, Season/Series 11, cringe comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:34:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28959537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaPembroke/pseuds/ElizaPembroke
Summary: “Thought you said I could ask for anything?”“Yeah, anything at all. And you went withthis?”Based on the anonymous prompt: We never see them celebrating their birthday, so maybe either Ian or Mickey's birthday and the other trying to make that day special (in a lowkey way because that's how they are).
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Series: Prompts & Shorts [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2099595
Comments: 28
Kudos: 205





	Happy Birthday, I Guess

“You’re serious? That’s what you want?”

“Yeah, man.”

“But I mean—the whole day?”

“That’s what I said.”

“I’m just trying to wrap my head around it. Like, the logistics of it, you know. What about our job?”

“I’ll give you the day off.”

“For the last time: you’re not my boss, Mickey.”

“So you keep tellin’ yourself.”

“Okay, but when you say you want to fuck the whole day, what does that entail? Do we like, wake up early for it? Just straight up not leave the bed and pee in a bottle sorta thing?”

“I couldn’t care less _where_ we do it, but I sure as hell should wake up with a dick in my ass and go to bed all raw.”

“Jesus.”

“Exactly.”

“No, I mean, _Jesus_ —it’s a little excessive, don’t you think?”

“Your complainin’ is a little excessive. Thought you said I could ask for anything?”

“Yeah, anything at all. And you went with _this_?”

“No, not _anything at all_. You specifically said I could ask for anything _reasonable_. ‘Course I want million fuckin’ dollars, but that’s not reasonable, and this is.”

“Maybe for you, but what about me?”

“Oh, is Mr. Five-Times-A-Night having performance anxiety?”

“Fuck off, no, I’m not. Just thought, I don’t know. That you’d want something a little more… special.”

“This is special.”

“We have sex all the time.”

“Not when we get the house to ourselves for the day.”

“Yeah, I still don’t know how I’m gonna pull off _that_ part.”

“How ‘bout you tell your siblings they need to get lost if they don’t want to see us bang on the kitchen table?”

“At this point, I don’t think the kitchen table is stable enough for that.”

“The washing machine then.”

“Do we have to?”

“’S my birthday.”

“You’re pulling the birthday card on the weirdest shit.”

“I haven’t even begun telling you about the weird shit on my list yet.”

“Oh, great. So, there’s a list now, huh? Okay, well, I’ll see what I can do. But prepare to be disappointed, because Debbie _especially_ is gonna demand a— What?”

“What?”

“What’s that look for?”

“What do you think it’s for?”

“—No.”

“Come on. A test round.”

“You don’t need a test round. We’ve fucked before, Mickey.”

“Aight. You can just blow me if you wanna save your energy for next week.”

“Shut up, I don’t need to save anything.”

“Okay. So what’s it gonna be?”

“You’re such a dick. Pass me the lube.”

\---

\---

“Happy so far?”

“ _Mm_ , I did wake up the way I fuckin’ wanted to, so yeah. No complaints there.”

“You wanna complain about something else?”

“Don’t worry your pretty head ‘bout it. You’re gonna do better in the next round.”

“Mickey, I’m _literally_ still fucking you.”

“They can’t all be winners. Let’s just quickly knock this one out and— _Ah._ Yeah, that’s more like it. Yeah. Fuckin’ _choke me_.”

\---

“Did you know Liam left a bottle of bleach for us behind the door this morning? Might wanna wipe down the counter with it when we’re done.”

“Yeah, I’m not— _ah_ —doin’ that.”

“No? Don’t want to clean the imprints of your naked ass from where the whole family prepares their food?”

“No, I really don’t. It’s my fuckin’ birthday. I shouldn’t have to do that on my birthday.”

“You know, I don’t remember you being so into your birthday before.”

“—So?”

“So, I guess I’m glad that you are now.”

“Jesus. We’re not— _ah_ —we’re not doin’ _that_ while you’re inside me.”

“What? You don’t have time to be sentimental when you’re getting railed?”

“Asshole. Stop sayin’ stupid shit and focus.”

“Don’t worry. This has my full attention.”

_“Ah, fuck, Ian!”_

\---

“It’s not too late to change your mind.”

“About?”

“What you wanna do.”

“You know, I was just thinking we could move this to the living room, and you could eat my ass.”

“I’m serious.”

“Me too.”

“We could go outside.”

“Now you’re talkin’, Gallagher.”

“To a restaurant.”

“Didn’t we agree that trying this normal couple bullshit was a waste of time?”

“I’m talking about eating food in a formal setting, not tattooing our names across each other’s hearts. Oh, wait. You’ve already done that.”

“Ha-fuckin’-ha. You’re _hilarious_. Hey, why’d you stop?”

“The washing cycle’s done.”

“Yeah, but I’m not.”

“But I’m hungry.”

“That’s why I wanted to give you something to eat right there on the couch.”

“Oh my God, really? That was so fucking lame.”

“Yeah, well. I’m allowed.”

“You’re milking the birthday privileges pretty hard this year. _NO, don’t even_ _—_ _!_ ”

\---

“‘Ey! Watch it!”

“What?”

“You’re drippin’ the ice cream all over me!”

“That’s the point, dumbass.”

“Thought you were hungry.”

“I am. Figured I could mix business with pleasure.”

“And which is which?”

“…”

“That so, huh? In that case, I might want a fuckin’ bite, too. Come ‘ere!”

“—Ah! Cold!”

“Yeah, let’s see how _you_ like it.”

“Oh. No, actually, I like that _a lot_. Keep going.”

“I fully intend to.”

“Cut it out, Mick. It’s too much. No, that’s too much! Don’t you dare! _AH_ —c _oldcoldcold!_ ”

“Quit bein’ so dramatic. I’ll warm you right up.”

“This kinda defeats the purpose of me finally getting something to eat.”

“I think I can find a way to feed you, too. Open up, birdie.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“You’re the one who suggested goin’ to a restaurant where we would stare into each other’s eyes and romantically share food.”

“I wasn’t exactly picturing you sitting on me and spitballing ice cream into my mouth.”

“But it’s what you’re gettin’.”

“No, thanks. I’m good.”

“No, you’re not. Come on, lover boy. Open that sweet lovin’ mouth of yours.”

“Christ. _Fine_. Happy birthday, I guess.”

“Mm, yes. Very.”

\---

“Mick?”

“ _Uh_ , yeah?”

“Nothing, it’s just… You’re really quiet like this.”

“Yeah. Well. Concentratin’.”

“Damn, look at that. Who knew getting you to fuck me would finally shut you up?”

“Fuck. Off.”

“Being a top is way harder than it looks, huh? It’s not for everyone. Takes a lot more muscle and stamina than just having your ass pounded.”

“Okay, that’s it. Move and get ridin’. See how you’ll manage all that with your yappin’.”

“With pleasure.”

“…”

“ _Oh, fuck!_ So deep.”

“…”

“Hey, what the hell? Are you laughing at me?”

“No, not at _you_. At your dick.”

“What about my dick?”

“Bouncy fuckin’ thing, isn’t it?”

“Well, what else would it be doing?”

“Dunno, man. I’m not so used to watchin’ things from down here. It’s funny. _Ow!_ ”

“Laugh again, douchebag, and I’m gonna pinch the other one, too.”

“Joke’s on you. Maybe I enjoy it.”

“Don’t care. Birthdays aren’t insult-your-husband-for-free card.”

“Never stopped you before.”

“Dickhead.”

“You’re definitely gettin’ more than the head— _ow!_ Okay. Game on, motherfucker _._ ”

\---

“Mm, see? This is the right way to do it.”

“Can’t believe I agreed to this crap again.”

“I can be quite persuasive.”

“And I couldn’t exactly talk back there.”

“I remember a very emphatic _yes_ to give this another try.”

“I probably heard you wrong. Your mouth was pretty full, too.”

“Just lie back, close your eyes and try to relax a little.”

“You’re wigglin’ too much for that.”

“I wouldn’t wiggle so much if you’d stop bitching.”

“The water’s gettin’ cold.”

“No, the water’s perfect.”

“I still don’t see the fuckin’ point of this.”

“The bath’s supposed to soothe you. Give your body a break.”

“Are you gettin’ tired on me, Gallagher?”

“No. But I thought your ass might be.”

“My ass is fine, thanks.”

“Wouldn’t hurt to give it a little rest.”

“See, I hear you say that, but your dick obviously has different ideas.”

“You’re wiggling too much. What did you think was gonna happen? And would you mind keeping your hands to yourself?”

“Um, excuse me? Am I making it hard for you to _lie back and relax_? I’m the one leaning on a stiff cock.”

“’S not stiff yet. But it is kinda hot having you in my arms like this.”

“Wow. Sap.”

“Horndog.”

“Stop wigglin’!”

“Need to just— A little higher— Yeah, right there. That’s great.”

“Are you really usin’ my thighs to get off?”

“You can help. Just try not to disturb the water too much.”

“Yeah, we wouldn’t wanna do that. Although, I’m sure the water’s disturbed _plenty_ by the two guys ruttin’ in it.”

“Shut up. Kiss me.”

“How the fuck am I supposed to do that? Ow. _Ow_.”

“…”

“Okay, you were right. It is kinda hot.”

\---

“It’s official. There’s no salvaging these sheets. We might as well burn them.”

“I thought we could keep ‘em. Y’know, to commemorate the special day.”

“We commemorated it enough already.”

“Damn straight. Still, we could store it somewhere. Use it only on our birthdays.”

“ _Our_ birthdays? Pfft, no way. On my birthday, you’re taking me out to a movie theater, where we’re gonna watch a movie, eat overpriced popcorn, and _not_ have sex.”

“That’s so boring. You’re the worst husband ever.”

“Think you mean the _best_ husband ever. I just ruined our fanciest bedsheets for you. Also, possibly my dick.”

“Whatever, man. Let’s wait until we’re old as fuck to do all that gay shit.”

“When’s old as fuck?”

“When we’re like, physically unable to bone.”

“Fair enough.”

“What? Why are you lookin’ at me like that?”

“No reason. But I may have just realized I have one more fuck left in me.”

“That so? While that’s really temptin’, Gallagher, I’ve got another offer. How ‘bout I give you a head?”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. After all, I gotta thank you properly for the past day, right?”

“You better. I’m gonna need a whole year to recover from it.”

“Nah, we’re totally fuckin’ in the morning.”

“Jesus Christ. I hate you so much.”

“Love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I can only apologize. But seeing the prompt, this was the only thing in my mind that rang true to their sex-obsessed, always bickering, utterly shameless selves.


End file.
